From an early age, my parents instilled two pivotal core values in me and my siblings: the importance of family, and that of giving back/helping others. I have no doubt that these values are very much to thank for my decision to become a surrogate.
As a child, I dreamed of having a home, a partner, and a house FULL of kids! Okay, maybe not a house full, but at least 2–4. I remember also thinking about how cool it would be to carry a baby for someone who couldn’t carry one on their own. In my teens, I filled out a “xx (number) things you don’t know about me,” on social media. Included on that list was that I wanted to be a surrogate one day.
I was blessed with a child of my own when I was just 21 years old. Life, however, did not go according to my plans – as it so rarely does – and as time went on, my thoughts of having more children of my own began to fade away.
I brought up wanting to have a baby for another family to my son, who at the time said he didn’t want me to do it because he wanted me to have another baby to keep. Despite knowing that this wasn’t going to happen, he still didn’t feel comfortable with the idea, so it was put on the back burner. It was still on my mind and in my heart, so I did some research and spoke with others that I knew who had been surrogates before. I knew it would happen one day; it just wasn’t the right time.
Fast forward a few years after losing my dad unexpectedly and my child dealing with a lot of bullying, I decided to pull him from school and switch to homeschooling. This gave us more time with family, more say in who we were around, an opportunity to focus on a love of learning, and topics that my child was enthusiastic about.
We began attending homeschool groups in the area, and one of the parents there was pregnant with a surrogate baby. This opened the conversation with my child again, who at that time was more open to the idea. I took the opportunity and reached out to Canadian Fertility Consulting – a surrogacy agency recommended to me by a friend as well as my (now) sister-in-law – and began one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
In the summer of 2017, I matched with a wonderful Ontario couple and began the process of my first surrogacy journey. This first baby was born in October of 2018. I never knew at that time just how much that first experience would change my entire life. I remember thinking while in the delivery room with that first beautiful baby, “I wonder if they want more kids?” As it turned out, they did not. That, however, was a blessing, as the next couple I matched with was absolutely meant to be.
I went on to carry two babies for an amazing couple from Ireland – the first one in January 2020, and the second in July 2021. My sister and my son took pictures for us at the 2020 birth. My son got the picture that we call “the money shot,” because it encapsulates the exact reason I chose to be a surrogate and continued through five surrogate births. The love and joy on the parents’ faces when they first see their beautiful baby, the realization of their dreams coming true, the heartfelt gratitude. The connection we built with this family is beyond words! We still chat when we can, and they share photos of the kids. I’m hoping to soon make it to Ireland to see them all again, and they hope to return one day to visit us in Canada. I even have some of their extended family on my social media.
In the summer of 2023, I delivered for a couple from Ohio. This one was a whirlwind experience, as I had been matched with another couple, and they had been matched with another surrogate. Both of our matches fell through around the same time and given that we all had a similar desired timeline for things, the agency quickly connected us. As it turned out, they were going to be passing through my town on their way home from the clinic that weekend, so we planned to meet at a local park. The day we met would have been my dad’s birthday. Everything felt all too perfect! We hit it off well and quickly agreed to move forward. I still get updates on their sweet baby, too!
Last, but certainly not least, as of writing this, my most recent delivery was just two months ago. I delivered in March for a couple from British Columbia. This last journey was full of joys and difficulties that we rode out together. They supported me through the challenges, and refused to let me blame myself for anything that didn’t go as planned. They have other children as well through another surrogate, and seeing the older kids with their new sibling is such a blessing! I look forward to seeing them all grow together as a big happy family.
Being a surrogate helped me through the years following my dad’s passing. It has given me a sense of purpose and has brought me more joy and love than I could have ever imagined. Not only has it allowed me to help others create and grow their families, but it has added to mine as well. I always dreamed of having a big family, and though it may not look how I expected, I am so grateful for all the incredible people that I now call family. Sometimes, you don’t get what you’re hoping for, but sometimes what you get is so much more.
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